RSS Feed Twitter Facebook YouTube

Saint’s Row: The Third Review


This game is stupid. Now wait just a minute, Before you start raging, keep reading: This game is so stupid that it is aware that it’s stupid, and goes out of its way to be as over-the-stop stupid as possible. But is it the bad kind of stupid, or the good kind of stupid? Believe me when I say, it is the very good kind of stupid.

Yeah, this could totally pass for a children's game.

Even the story doesn’t give a crap about how stupid it is. After a failed attempt to airlift a safe during a bank heist, the Saints’ leader( I.E. you) meet Phillipe Loren, leader of The Syndicate,  a prominent crime organization. After a business disagreement and a 10-000 story fall, you find yourself in Steelport, the new venue. And a new city means a lot of new ways for the game to re-invent itself.

If you played the previous entries in the franchise, you know that in order to progress, you must perform diversions to gain enough respect to perform the next mission. Not so with The Third. You can now do missions when you decide you wanna do a mission. Diversions are still used to earn cash and respect, but now they are what they should’ve been all along; diversions, and nothing more.

That doesn’t make them any less fun however. Mayhem is now Tank Mayhem( Remember, over-the-top stupid), for example, and is now 100 times as fun. After gaining respect, it can be used to unlock different abilities for purchase from your phone, like infinite ammo and no ragdoll effect from explosions.

There is also this diversion, for which words can do no justice.

The gameplay itself is also drastically improved, Tech-wise, it’s slightly more cartoony(which perfectly suits this game), but runs as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Everything is faster and more fluid from driving to shooting. If you played the old games and enjoy customizable gang members, rides, and clothing, then you will be satisfied. If you want to have a good time and embrace the unexpected, you can attack a gang member with a Fart In A Jar.

Oh, did I forget to describe the weapons? Because their fun, powerful and hilarious. Yeah, you’ve got pistols and assault rifles(Almost all of which can be upgraded), but then you’ve got the Mollusk Launcher (Fires mind-controlling Octopi), the Reaper Drone( Yep, just like from Modern Warfare), and the Penetrator. Which is a giant dildo/baseball bat.

I don't know if you can buy these things, but if you can, I don't wanna know what it's used for.

When you get bored, you can also try Whored Mode( Get it? Just like in Gears), which I haven’t touched very much, but I can ensure you it is just as insane as the rest of the game. Sure, your killing things, but then weird stuff starts happening, like naked body builders and floating question marks with guns. And don’t even get me started on the zombies. Don’t even look at me like that. When you’ve robbed the army and fought prostitutes with a giant dildo, what place does sanity have in this game?

None, and that’s the way this game should be. The biggest problem I found is that it requires an online pass for co-op, and honestly, It’s one of the few that are actually worth it .I can say with relative certainty that this is the most fun I’ve ever had with a sandbox-style game. What was once a GTA clone is now holding its own in ways that Grand Theft Auto can’t even compare. This game is beyond amazing; it is absolutely mind-blowing.

10 ‘lolwuts‘ out of 10.


1 Comment

Leave A Reply
  1. N. Russell says
    April 30, 2012, 10:19 AM

    “I don’t know if you can buy these things, but if you can, I don’t wanna know what it’s used for.” That line right there ROFLed my copter into a crash landing!


Leave a Reply

Facebook Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com